On Sunday, I was putting a few things away in my son’s room (he is 3.5 years old) when I got a brilliant the silliest idea I’ve ever had idea! I thought I would move his furniture around to make his room more functional for him.
He has a book shelf, a train table and a bed in his room. His room is quite small with limited floor space for play. His dresser drawers don’t open properly because they are obstructed by his dresser and his dresser blocks his window and access to his bookshelf.
So, I moved the train table and the dresser allowing for a bit more floor space in the middle of the room, easier access to his drawers and more space beside his bed so that I can open his window. Also when he falls out of his bed, there is a smaller chance he would bump into the furniture.
And then he screamed.
He screamed and he screamed and he screamed.
He couldn’t even get a full word out, he was so mad.
He was bright red in the face.
He was flailing his body.
HE.WAS.MAD.
I’ve seen my son mad before, he gets mad quite easily, but I’ve never seen him like this before. Never.
I felt terrible because as I was moving his furniture around, I had a split second of a thought that he might have a poor reaction. I love my son so much, but he does not do well in unexpected situations.
During his melt down, my husband pulled me aside and said to me, “You are one of the only people on the planet who would actually get excited about someone else rearranging your bedroom. This is the only space that is HIS and that he has complete control over”
It was then that it hit me! I completely invaded his space, tore it upside down and did all of this without asking his permission or involving him. Even though he is 3 1/2 years old, he is still a person and I should have respected that. I didn’t. I felt and still feel absolutely terrible! I made a HUGE mistake that I will never make again.
Once he calmed down (and it was by no means really calm) enough for me to explain to him that I was going to put it all back in exactly the same spot that I had found it, he was able to be convinced to head downstairs for a snack. When I came downstairs, feeling sick to my stomach, I got down on the floor beside him, hugged him, apologized and asked him to forgive me. I told him that I had made a huge mistake and I was so sorry!
I proceeded to ask my daughter how she would feel if I had done the same thing to her room. She is 7 years old. Her response: “Oh Mom, don’t be silly, I’d be fine with it. It’s like whether or not you give me 1 more or less marshmallow in my hot chocolate, no big deal!”
I’m not sure if that would truly be her response, but I was proud of her for trying to be flexible!
I learned something on Sunday!
Sometimes, our intentions mean well and we truly feel we are making a good choice for our children and yes, we are the parents and we ultimately have control, but sometimes, just sometimes, we need to include our children in that decision making because they are people too!
Have you ever made a decision that turned out to be one of the worst parenting decision ever?! Please do share and help me to feel better.
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I learned a lot of lessons with Jack, still do. I always ask his permission for everything that involves his things. He is very sensitive (like me), and totally would freak out. He doesn’t like when we change ANYTHING in the house, unless he knows about it and is part of it. If he is a part of it it is fun, if not he gets quite distressed. Even things you don’t think a 5 yr old would notice. He noticed that my hubby moved a motion dectector in our house. He turned it from horizontal to vertical, and he noticed.
Lesson learned Mom, just ask next time. Don’t beat yourself up about it. I bet if you asked him to help or be involved he would’ve loved it.
oh man that kind of made me tear up, because as a mom, I know how hard we try to make them happy and here you were with this great idea and wow, devasting results. such a bummer. I would never have guessed that reaction either.
Aww poor little guy! Im sure Ive done something(s) just as upsetting to my kids..I just cant think of one to relay right now.
One of the problems we’ve discovered with being parents in a military family that moves a lot is that our 2 year old does not respond well to his toys and things being moved. The movers are here this week packing and they will be loading all our things on the truck tomorrow. We’ve been keeping him out of the house as they pack as much as possible, but he’s been unusually upset recently due to all the craziness. He’s a good traveller, but having our housed in disarray is causing him stress. It will be interesting to see how he responds when we start unpacking at the new house. Hopefully, he will adjust well to seeing all his things in their new home!
I too have one picky, picky dude that would freak out if there was big change like that. And my other guy would welcome it.
It can be so hard!
Wow! How interesting! Most of my kids are older and they are super happy if I “help” in their rooms –although I suppose they keep all their really personal stuff in drawers, lol. It really does depend on the child. I wonder if the age plays a giant part, also…
I was thinking about his age and 3 1/2 …well, that is very normal to like “his way” cutie is just figuring things out! Watch out, when he is 15+ he’ll want you to fix his room, haha!
We redecorated DDs room when she turned 2 – got rid of her crib, painted and moved things while she was at grandparents. When she got home she refused to sleep in her room saying it was not her room. She was not happy with the makeover.
Our son on the other hand was delighted when he turned 3 and got a room makeover. Lesson learned with our daughter to ask first 😉
Don’t worry you’re not alone 🙂
My kids notice everything – Julien likes his room to be changed around occasionally, as long as it is his idea and goes where he wants things.
Kyle on the other hand, at 20 mths, tries to drag things to their “proper” place if it is moved.
just getting caught up now.
Matt freaks if I touch anything in his room. Chloe and I are constantly moving stuff around in her room.
I don’t think it was a terrible decision. It was just one of those things we all do.
I make bad decisions all the time. I can’t think of one right now… but I will.